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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27996807">wanderer</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/p3paula/pseuds/p3paula'>p3paula</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Katekyou Hitman Reborn!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, Implied Suicidal Thoughts (just a bit), Mentioned Hibari Kyouya, Mentioned Reborn - Freeform, Mentioned Yamamoto Takeshi, Mother-Son Relationship, Wanderlust</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 18:53:45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,105</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27996807</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/p3paula/pseuds/p3paula</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The road and the wind called to him- the adventure of a lifetime, the sights to see and the pleasures of this world, an existence not bound in the tethers of this current situation, without any chains that hinder his footsteps, far from the jeers and glares of everyone else- the question is whether he will answer them.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sawada Nana &amp; Sawada Tsunayoshi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>35</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>wanderer</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>A gift for myself that is slowly itching to claw the walls that are trapping me.</p><p>Wanderlust is, as the name implies, the urge to not stay in one spot.</p><p>After 9 months of being stuck, the feelings in my heart overflow...</p><p>As such, please kindly receive this piece.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He's not old enough to remember when the winds first called to him.</p><p>They sing, like an old friend, tugging at his clothes, sending them billowing, brushing through his hair yet he is not cold despite all this air. He hears Mama yelp as the linen in her hands slip away from her and she chases after it.</p><p>He watches her, running a bit after the clothing and realizing that he wants that too.</p><p>
  <em>Very good. Come along now. We'll go places.</em>
</p><p>He stands from where he is seated, forgetting that Mama asked him earlier to stay put there. He follows the wind that calls him to go anywhere, everywhere- </p><p>And he wants it, wondering, hoping to discover what lies in the distance-</p><p>"Tsunayoshi Sawada!" He gets the scolding of his young lifetime, Mama managing to snag the back of his shirt as he nearly toddled out of the gates. He cries because he realizes that he nearly forgot about her- and more so the sight of her tears as she hugged him tightly. "Please don't leave me also..."</p><p>He remembers that there are supposedly two people as parents, and remembers that he has only known her always, with the rare visits of the man dropping by and cooing at him but one that never stays long enough- one he despises a bit because he always leaves her in tears.</p><p>So he sits there, contemplating things and decides on the answer to the question, the suggestion, the temptation that the wind voices once more to him.</p><p><em>No. I can't leave her. </em>Despite the small pain that saying those things draws out of him, he knows this is the correct answer.</p><p>The wind hums disappointed but understands, one that he was a bit worried earlier that it will express anger, but it only cheerfully brushes against his tears, much akin to his mother- simmering instead like a parent, much like her-</p><p>
  <em>We understand. After all, that's actually a "not yet", and not an outright "no" instead.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Even though you call me so dearly? Why does my heart hurt a bit in rejecting this?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It is because you care- and therefore, your heart will bring out a reasonable answer in terms to your own actions. Rest, child, we are not angry. Someday, you will be able to follow and be free with me.</em>
</p><p>It takes him years to understand parts of the wind's answer as he falls asleep in the arms of his mother.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>He's five and once more that man visits them with someone he should address as <em>Nonno </em>and there is the dog and there are <em>flames</em> and painful things and it all fades underneath everything until it becomes a forgotten memory.</p><p>This event also steals away his ability to hear the winds.</p><p>Everything is harder now. Mama is frustrated a bit, worried and all that but-</p><p>But she doesn't understand when he tries to tell her it was the man and the visitor's fault.</p><p>"But Tsu-kun, that's your father and grandfather." She reasons out, tucking him underneath her neck. "They wouldn't do anything to hurt you." </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>But it does hurt.</p><p>His steps are wrong. His mind is dulled.</p><p>It's like he's always half a step behind and decelerating further.</p><p>He's on double effort to keep up but-- the effort is too much that it brings him down just a bit further.</p><p>There are days it knocks him down, especially when they started teasing him "Dame-Tsuna".</p><p>Or when he hears the sobs that his mother breaks into when he is not nearby.</p><p>But if he stays down, then he'll be trapped there....</p><p>He's seven, turning eight now, how time passes and so does naivety.</p><p>Gone is the closeness with his mother, some times she gets so frustrated, and it is an understandable tense point in their relationship.</p><p>Gone are the days the man visits, him being busy and there are more calls and more crying and more painful nights.</p><p>Gone was the flame that he knew too late, the one that simmered within and let him live his life as it used to be. </p><p>Gone be the memories of the past, slipping slowly away much as he could not dwell on the present.</p><p>Gone will be the future, the one he remembered alongside the wind that loved to whisper things to him. </p><p>He looks outside his room as he once more came home from school a bad test score and some wounds when he crashed on the floor (some accidental, some intentional, he knows but he can't find out how to voice it out)-</p><p>He opens the window and looks down- this high, they say, is dangerous for anyone to fall out.</p><p>Not the warmth that speaks of his being alive or the cold biting advice of the wind that stays by his side.</p><p>Besides, Mama will cry a bit more if he does that.</p><p>So he looks up, and feels the cool wind brush against his cheek.</p><p>"I wonder what you are telling me, because I cannot hear you anymore." He murmurs to his old friend, and sighs as he denies it again. "I'm sorry, I cannot go leave everything behind."</p><p>He thinks he understand a bit. Not yet.</p><p>He cannot take the step outside this window, that distance from this and the ground is not the answer.</p><p>But it isn't also the time yet to leave properly, pack his stuff like going for a school trip and bid Mama goodbye and see the world and its sights in his on terms.</p><p>Not yet- she will cry if he does that.</p><p>Not yet- remain content where he is for now- even though it is not where he wants to be.</p><p>Not yet, he's so far behind the state that he could even attempt that.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>He hugs his mother tighter that night.</p><p>"Don't you wish that... things change here?"</p><p>She ponders it properly, noticing the change in his tone.</p><p>(It took a lot for him to say that thing, and he's a bit glad she recognized and treated it accordingly.)</p><p>"I do..." She smiles. "I want Tsu-kun to be happy and un-hurt."</p><p>It's nice. A part of him worried that she might have become frustrated with him... But he catches onto the way her answer catered to him, "How about Mama?" </p><p>She blinks at those words, the smile she had cracking a bit. "Ah... Mother is fine..."</p><p>"But..." Even though he no longer has his old senses, he knows that's such a big lie. "Mama cries more often now, doesn't she..." He swallows down the urge to break down or let the tears welling in his eyes, "I also want Mama to be happy..."</p><p>If it makes them share a bit more about them, if it makes them cross the slowly creeping distance separating them, if it makes them share a bit more tears, a bit more hope and end it at a hug with a promise to be better for one another, then perhaps that is all the difference.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Maybe, had it never happened, a mother will not feel slowly but surely settled to just being satisfied with the failure of a son. It was easier for her to adapt the mindset that at least he is there with her, and so long as he is happy, it will be her happiness, even if it dissatisfies her a bit, or the way she wonders if pulling her lips is a mask that had become part of her, or lose her true self in the process.</p><p>Maybe, had it never happened, a son will not be content in closing himself into the chasm that had opened up within him, strive to be somewhere farther than where he could reach, that he will wish to struggle instead of merely accepting the dissatisfying life as it is.</p><p>Maybe, had it never happened, a future that separates mother and son, a future that chains him to a position, a future that seemed fixed may be a bit different.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>It's his tenth birthday, there is still no call from the person that he must call father, if only because Mama loves him.</p><p>And while he would not care for his presence, he will tolerate because she has always been happiest, in some ways with him.</p><p>It's two years after their heart to heart and their bond is still as tight as ever.</p><p>An information however, is too important for him not to tell her.</p><p>It's hard to explain how he had come to befriend people, or how to improve himself.</p><p>Or that despite the imbalance in his system or the emptiness within, or that he still messes up- he had managed, eventually, with a stronger support system.</p><p>"Sorry, it seems he is busy..." He sheepishly excuses his father, and feels his heart break for her as she falters a bit. Same old answer for the past few years.</p><p>"Sorry, Tsu-kun..." She sniffed, and he obliged to pass her a tissue. "Thank you. Now, pray tell what would you like for your day."</p><p>It's a long time wish, one that he decides to share to her instead- she knows this, wanderlust, the urge to go elsewhere.</p><p>He knows she would like to stay for a missing husband.</p><p>She knows he would like to take her away, go wherever they can across the land.</p><p>"A trip- not a permanent one, just a short trip with you, 3 days, 2 nights, I saved up my allowance and won lottery tickets- Kyo-nii and Take-nii helped me get them. It might do us both good." He said, one that he knows she would expect, one that she didn't realize he would work hard to achieve. "We will return here, I study here, and we both live here- and well leave notes if he drops by so he knows to follow or to wait for us." He adds, just to affirm that he- that they will return later instead.</p><p>No matter how much the emptiness in his heart has grown, a part of him remembered the cold wind that drew him to look to far places and made him wonder.</p><p>After all, his previous movements were just around town, or in the next city for an errand- or the annual school trip.</p><p>Her eyes widen and numerous emotions pass in them, before settling resolutely. "Very well then. Details?"</p><p>"Yes! Thank you Mama!" He gives in to the urge to punch the air with both hands before embracing her as he answers, "Next weekend! Already made the list of things we needed. It's to an onsen in the mountains."</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>The thing about Sawada Tsunayoshi, he liked comic books and video games. He couldn't go anywhere far, tethered with the bonds in his heart and the duties of his blood- but he liked getting lost there, if at least the stories bring him to places: by the protagonists side as they fight or the places they visit- or how he brings his character to explore a map to the very limits. So he remembers to dwell on that- even if he may be living this world in his own place, the vast sky covers the rest that should be known and appreciated, too, right? Because things may be sad or happy, but they exist to see there- and maybe they'll realize something new from the time they start the journey until they reach where they need to be.</p><p>The thing about Sawada Nana is that she loves her son, if a bit more than his father- her husband. Because Tsuna has changed her life- just as much as he kept changing his own for her. The talk they had before, as they sorted their feelings, as she re-focused and tried a bit more as a mother despite how lost she felt for the first few years she had- it was so tough for both of them. But perhaps, as Tsuna babbled on  what they need to bring, or as slowly, she felt him drag her through- her sun, like the wind that sought to be free... And yet- "i will return here" - a promise that she knew he wanted to say to her.</p><p>She already had her heart slowly but surely breaking at the delay and missing of an important person. Even though she would like to keep him with her forever, the sky is the limit that Tsuna wants to see... And maybe going with him will help her ease up and let him have his journey.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>So they leave that next week, and have a fun trip.</p><p>Nana learns what fun and living is once more,, especially in the presence of someone that cared enough for her by her side as they sought new places.</p><p>And Tsuna's longing increases, the need to go to places- a desire that draws him to hear the winds again - but one that learns the presence of how his mother needs him still so he has to take small steps and paces.</p><p>But it's a step. One understood what the other loved to be free, and one understood what the other wanted to be safe and still.</p><p>The walls that separate them before seemed to be reduced to nothingness.</p><p>Tsuna finds the will, the urge, the motivation to keep working harder.</p><p>Nana learns to help him better, to guide and discipline him- and overall a better mother.</p><p>Within their home, a journey of their own persons had already bloomed asunder.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Slowly, permissions to go to places. Try out cafes, visit museums, have road trips and get rare things.</p><p>Slowly, trust one another. Entrust the youth to know their tethers, and yet let them explore the world around them. Learn to live once more after the changes that had happened. Repair the broken pieces and give new meaning to old places.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Reborn arrives at the Japan residence of Sawada Iemitsu, wondering how to deal with the man's son - their last information was outdated at 9 years as the Hibari clan had stepped in upon Namimori and chased their leaks away. The child was clumsy, academically hard of learning, if a bit bullied. The mother wasn't very attentive. But the two got along in a way- although it seems a bit separated.</p><p>He instead finds a sharp-eyed woman whose smile falters at seeing him, "It isn't like you to be back suddenly-" She stops and blinks, "Excuse me?"</p><p>Interesting, she isn't fooled. "Ciaossu. I am Reborn, a home tutor. I would like to offer my services to you."</p><p>"Why this house then?" The woman inquired.</p><p>"Does the Madam not have a son that you might wish to be turned into a great person?" There's an interesting clarity about her eyes so he answers carefully.</p><p>"I do- but he is already a wonderful person."</p><p>"Are you sure? Maybe grades or extra-curricular-"</p><p>"Yes, I am. Tsu-kun has worked hard to ace his subjects, otherwise I wouldn't have let him go with his friends to his trips. And I'm sure the Disciplinary Committee would not let their Secretary be away for several days if he wasn't done with all his activities" She smiled at him politely. "Forgive me if I might reject your offer, Mister Reborn, I don't think we are in need of your services."</p><p>"I understand. Apologies for troubling you, Madam."</p><p>As he left the house and went far down the street, not stopping as he did feel her gaze watching over him til he disappeared around the corner. Upon which, taking his phone and dialing a number, he prepared himself to give Iemitsu an earful.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>As he picked up a seashell in this unpopulated white beach, his phone rang and he drew to answer it, "Mama?" </p><p>"Tsu-kun. How is your trip?"</p><p>"Very fun! I won a bet and picked the correct oyster - so I got a black pearl for you."</p><p>"Eh? Is that all right for you to take? But at the same time, thank you for the hard work, Tsu-kun." He hears the slight exasperation and the acceptance in her, knowing that if he has set his mind then so will it happen.</p><p>"Yup! I already have it packed... How are things there?"</p><p>
  <em>It's a bit too early for your daily calls, after all...</em>
</p><p>"My Tsu-kun's so sharp as ever. But yes, a visitor from Papa arrived. Be careful from here onwards."</p><p>It would have been foolish for them to not know any further. He was the one who discovered the ties from the mafia of his father, after all. And what it implied about him and his mother.</p><p>He also understood what she implied, as he realizes this is why there is a bit of strain in her statement. He might be dragged now and then at the issue of the succession.</p><p>"I see. Forgive me if I will not be home for a while- but I will always answer if I can- or leave you a message if I can't."</p><p>A pause and a hitched breath, one that tugged at his heart- but it all exhaled, and instead, "I understand. Have a safe trip, Tsu-kun. Come home whenever you can."</p><p>"Mama's so strong." He meant that wholeheartedly, wishing he was there to hug her tightly. "I won't get caught. I'll drop by as soon as I can especially with souvenirs just for you. Love you."</p><p>"I love you too. You better start being on the run now, my wanderer."</p><p>"Yes Mama, I'll send daily pictures at least."</p><p>As the call ended, he looked over the vast ocean and up to the horizon where it met the sky - the vivid image of the wide world and the one he wanted to explore day or night.</p><p>"Very well then, catch me if you can, Vongola." A whispered challenge to the sea and he headed back to the hotel to get his things. After all, he has long been ready for this extended trip.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>The road lay ahead before him and he readied himself for this trip, with the winds by his side, a flame igniting in his heart, both singing, one fanning and feeding the other into a raging blaze. Chocolate brown faded and the world before him tinted with haze, but playfully, the wind buffeted and cooled him a bit.</p><p>After all, there were still places to see and people to meet and souvenirs to get and everything he wanted to explore a bit.</p><p>Spreading a map at the table, he dropped a pebble on it and let it decide where to go. As it bounced a bit before stopping, he smiled as he read it. "The next destination is-"</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm back after a long time, Tsuna. Forgive me for my absence, or that I greet you with a work like this. Despite everything, I am someone scared, and I will forever remember how meeting you had resonated in myself. And thus in a way I will never forget how you eventually learned to grow up, take the mantle as shown TYL, in the sense that I too learned that I must look at a different place, finding the strength to climb there that I need to be in the process.</p><p>But this work deals not with those things, but the feeling of breaking free from those that bind one person.</p><p>What does it truly mean to be free?</p><p>I have no clue if I will continue from this. I wrote this for myself, who is a bit lost in this moment, itching to leave but unable to go yet. So for the meantime, let us live in the openness and hope of that ending. Things will work out. I'd like to believe that.</p><p>Thank you for reading this work.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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